


I know it's not right to hold tight (but I can't let go)

by Iwalkalone258



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Barry will always be there for Iris, F/M, Iris cries and Barry's is there, Sad, Set after the events in 3x23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwalkalone258/pseuds/Iwalkalone258
Summary: A voice whispers this isn’t real but she ignores her rationale because it has to be. She’s cloaked in his heat, it’s seeping through her skin and into her soul. There’s no other explanation, there can’t be.





	I know it's not right to hold tight (but I can't let go)

“Iris?” The sound of her name registers, but she burrows deeper into her pillow. Tonight is the first night in the last six months that she’s been able to close her eyes for longer than a few hours. Since Barry’s abrupt departure into the speedforce sleep hasn’t necessarily been kind to her.

“Mhm?”

“Iris?” There’s a hand on her shoulder, a light touch, feather like but the voice, his voice,  _that_  voice drags her from the depths of her unconsciousness. Her eyes open slowly, her mind in a state of disbelief. She’s afraid she’s dreaming. She has to be dreaming but when her vision clears, and she sees his handsome face, a startled gasp makes its way out of her throat and water springs to her eyes.  _This can’t be real_.

“Barry?” His name spills out of her. He’s sitting on the sofa beside her smiling. He’s smiling that sweet smile of his. The one he gives only her when no one is watching. She freezes, neither her mind nor body accepting his presence. 

She doesn’t know what to do. Should she jump on him? Kiss him? Hug him? Or should she yell at him for leaving her? Hit him for being stupid, for not thinking about them, or their future? But before she can fully choose one of her listed options he opens his mouth.

“Why are you sleeping down here?” He asks, as if he’s real, as if this isn’t a figment of her imagination. Her mouth falls agape and she stares at him, confusion clearly written on her features.  

“I-I…” She tries but fails to answer. Instead her eyes dart around in hopes of finding some clue to debunk the reality of this moment. This has to be a dream, she thinks taking in the turned down picture frames around the living room and the mess that has become her life. She sees the teacup she was using earlier positioned at the end of the coffee table and the pile of clothes decorating the armchair in the corner. Panic starts to settle in her bones.

“Barry?” She sits up, the blanket over her falling to her waist. “Is it really you?”

Her palms frame his cheeks and the feeling of returning home after an extended absence washes over her. He looks the same. Freckles dot randomly over his face but his eyes, the forest green of his eyes is what shatters her hardened heart.  _Barry_.

This is the first time in six months she remembers breathing. She inhales a gulp of air and fights back the tears. She can’t cry. She promised him she wouldn’t. One of his hands drift up to cover hers and he uses his thumb to caress the back of her hand. She opens and closes her mouth before flinging herself into his arms. Finally she’s home.

Lightening sizzles around their entwined frames but all Iris can do is bury her face into the conjunction of his neck. The feel of him, the scent of him, and the warmth of him attacks her senses and she can’t help but to press tender kisses up the length of his neck.

A voice whispers this isn’t real but she ignores her rationale because it has to be. She’s cloaked in his heat, it’s seeping through her skin and into her soul. There’s no other explanation, there can’t be.

“I’ve missed you so much,” She manages, her voice breathy and broken. Iris never wants to be without him again.

“I know,” Barry whispers, his arms tightening around her frame. She swallows and inhales a deep breath to try and force herself to draw away from him. They have so much to talk about. She lets herself stay wrapped around him for another lingering second before pulling away. Hope shines bright in her gaze and the numbness that’s become accustomed to her dissipates at the expression he wears. 

“How are you here?” The question is out before she has time to think about it but Barry just stares at her, a kind of sadness shadowing his features. It’s gone so fast though, that Iris thinks she imagines it.  _Something’s wrong_ , she concludes.

Barry’s fingers sink into her hair, the hair she chopped off a couple months ago and he leans into her, his mouth brushing over hers and  _oh_ , she closes her eyes because she’s forgotten how good his lips feel. She sighs his name, but he pulls away before she can deepen the kiss.

“Let’s get you to bed,” He murmurs resting his forehead against hers. There’s something so innate in his actions. It’s almost like he can’t believe this is happening, that he’s here with her. Iris’s eyebrows bunch together in uncertainty. She isn’t sure what’s going on.

Before she has time to dwell Barry stands and extends a hand to her. She looks down at the blanket that’s pooled around her waist and purses her lips together. She decides that if this is a dream, it’s a very tangible one. Taking his hand, she crawls off the sofa. There’s an energy in the air, a type of tension that she can’t put her finger on. It’s hard when her heart feels so much lighter now that he’s around.

He leads her up the stairs and to their bedroom, the bedroom she’s decided not to enter without him. Their bed is still made the way she made it the day she was supposed to die, the day when Barry willingly walked into the speedforce. She squeezes his hand as they both stop beside it. The lightness she felt seconds ago has disappeared leaving her hallow and empty. This room, their room, the room they spent so many countless nights in seem so strange to her now. She sees the sweater he flung on the edge of the bed and his Chucks waiting by the chest. And the tears she’s fought against for all these months finally break free.

_You have to keep running, keep growing…for me._

She lets go of his hand and covers her face. She’s trying her hardest not to cry but nothing she tells herself helps. She sees Barry smiling down at her at the waterfront and she feels his arms around her as she breaks down over her impending death. All of these things make break apart.

She’s in Barry’s arms before her knees give out. He guides her onto their bed where he cradles her in his lap. “I love you,” He says after a beat. All Iris can do is nod because she knows, she knows he loves her.

Somehow they end up wrapped around each other in the center of the bed, Barry spooning her. His shirt is soaked with her tears but he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s playing in her curls, his gestures soothing and filled with comfort. She hasn’t cried, not since the night he vanished.

Iris finds one of his hands and brings it to her lips for a tender kiss. “Promise me you’ll stay,” She murmurs, her heart breaking repeatedly with each word. She knows he’s gone. The rational side of her comprehends that but the broken side, the side that needs Barry doesn’t.

“I’ll always be here.” He answers taking their joined hands and moving it to just above her beating heart. More tears roll down her cheeks because he’s never coming back and she knows that now. Why did Barry have to go? They were supposed to get their happy ending.

_Promise me you’ll run, Iris._

When her throat is horse and her frame is still she drifts off into a deep slumber with memories of Barry haunting her subconscious.

That morning she wakes in their bed, alone with a crushing pain occupying her chest. She knows he isn’t there but she calls out for him anyway, hope in every syllable of his name. When silence greets her she curls into a ball, and fishes out the necklace around her neck. She closes her eyes as she takes her engagement ring into her fist.

“I love you too.” She whispers into the emptiness of their bedroom.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This came to me yesterday after I read all the spoilers for the upcoming season from SDCC. I can see something like this happening. I don't know if it's just me but I would like to think Barry has found some way to get to Iris and in this fic Iris thinks she's having a dream but Barry is really there, he's there for a moment but he's there. My poor bb's. I love them so much. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I apologize for how sad it is :(


End file.
